Don’t worry, I wasn’t talking to you. You’re doing a great job. You could probably teach me a thing… or multiple things if we have time. Are you free later? How’s Friday? Yeah, I can’t make it either. Guess all that knowledge is yours.
What I can do is ramble about my modelling origin story, you interested? Let’s continue this inner dialogue and see how long I can talk to myself.
I started taking modelling seriously about a year ago, prior to that it was done only to relieve Michael of the constant last-minute stress of finding a model for his photography assignments. You could say I owe it all to his bond with procrastination for giving me the push I needed to step into the spotlight… I would agree with you. I will admit that it is far easier learning what angles don’t work for you when your best friend is behind the camera.
“Your face looks stupid, do something with your face.”
“No, that looks stupid too.”
“Open your mouth a little…Make it like, moody.”
“No, you look stupid.”
But it worked! Looking back, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I learned more from making dozens of mistakes than I did from getting everything right. If you want to take anything away from reading this, please let it be that. I even put it in bold for you. Don’t worry so much about being wrong, unless you’re a doctor.
There have been countless times when I have felt inadequate, doubtful and wondered why the fuck I’m trying to do these things that are so obviously above me. What do I have that makes me up to par with these other women? I’m not skinny enough, I’m not tall enough… I’m bottomline not enough.
But that’s bullshit…I know that now.
I’m useless when it comes to math but I’m certain that the days spent being scared, combined with the hours of worrying = zero time of getting shit done. I may be off a few decimals, but I’m probably not. Comparing yourself to other people is not going to make you any of the things you aspire to be, it’s only going to upset you. That was my experience anyways, your mileage may differ. Within seconds, I could create a Buzzfeed approved list of all the components that need to be altered, removed and added to my body for it to be satisfactory. Yet similarly to a Buzzfeed article, that would be a complete waste of time and none of it really matters. Be happy with you because you’re all you’ve got, kid.
Does relentlessly doubting myself make me thinner? Will putting myself down make me prettier?
No, you look stupid.